it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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