Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
