All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
