I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bet he comes in French.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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