holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
