we're making bets on your personal life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
