Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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