Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
