I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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