This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
