i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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