My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
