I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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