i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
