I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
