I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
