I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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