yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
