After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
