If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
