I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
