I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
