Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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