why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
