Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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