it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
