Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
