i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
