he puts the penis in happiness.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
