So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
