Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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