So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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