Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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