I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
