He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
