i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
