i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
