positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
