im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
