I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
