Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
