porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
