woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
