i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Boobs are out for the taking
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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