It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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