Where is the hickey?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
