I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
