I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
