Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
