I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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