I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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