Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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