i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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