i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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