From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
