I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
