I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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