I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
