we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
