Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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