I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
